National Lampoon's Dirty Movie (2011)

Sadly I'm surprised National Lampoon is still making
stuff when not really many of their movies are really
funny any more National Lampoon seems to have lost
all its power to make people laugh and then starts to
copy other successful films or series
I have seen a few that were trying to duplicate the whole
American Pie feel and now with this one they seem to
be now copying Dimension Films "Movie" idea such as
Scary movie and Superhero Movie.

Also this movie somewhat misadvertises itself
knowing nothing about it
and going by the front cover alone I thought this was going to be a
parody of the porn industry. I mean look at it. Its called
"Dirty Movie" and there is a hot girl on the cover so I thought
of course a parody of Pron films becasue alot of people call
porn films "Dirty Movies" so I was interested in
seeing it of course.

Now when I started watching it I did like the title cards with the
dog on them if they put those up in a theater people would actually
do what they suggest but in the first few minutes during the opening
I was thinking "wow this is pretty racist?"
and there in lies what the movie is about. Not Porn but actually
Dirty Jokes...? yes that is what it is about.

Basically a somewhat sleazy producer played by
Christopher Meloni (who can actually be very funny watch
"Wet Hot American Summer" he is hilarious in that, but sadly
not in this) goes to the National Lampoon's offices
and pitches a movie of nothing but Dirty jokes.

With that "Dirty Movie" is born
it is basically A sketch comedy film where the characters
play out each joke. from redneck jokes to blonde jokes
to Black, Jewish, Gay people jokes.

I can see they are trying to make it funny but I
didn't laugh at hardly anything in this film.
I only chuckled once the rest of it is just smirk
worthy but I mostly just shook my head at how lame
this thing actually was. Compared to the other recent
comedy I watched called "Bald" bald was
actually funner then this and that is saying something.
also being that it is a "Dirty Movie" there is plenty of
hot girls topless and in the tiniest of thongs jumping and
jiggling around.

But don't watch this for the nudity, only watch it if you
every pondered questions like this:
"What do you call a black hitchhiker?"
or if you just have to hear a 12 year old girl say stuff like:
"Whats the difference between my pussy and my mom's?"

This movie is pretty weak and lame, it also sadly stars
Cyndi Lauper who plays the mom of the foul mouthed Little Johnny.
but like I said this movie is not worth it.
I don't even know why it was made?

GAMER (2009)

This was a movie that had an interesting idea
as well as an interesting opening.

The film is where people almost have this
"Matrix like world set up" were video games
are played with real people as in people on the
outside of the game area control the people
on the inside of the control area.

They have this Playstation Home/Sims type of
set up which is called "Society" where you control
an actual person much like you would an avatar in the
Sims or PS Home.

Now even though that was apart of the story and world
of this film it focused more on the First Person shooter
aspect with games like Modern Warfare and Call of Duty
Now i would have to say that it does a good job of
capturing the "in game environment" with slow motion
scenes at points and the action as well as movement
of the characters including the NPC's (Non Playable
characters) for you not in the know.
Now the story revolves around Gerard Butler's character
has he is convicted of a crime and sentenced to the
"Game grind" so to speak and if he wins so many times
he will be set free and reunited with his family
and with the help of his "User" as well as others
such as Ludacris who comes off as a second rate
Morpheus.

The film in general reminded me of things like
the Running Man and The Condemned they share
that same Idea Where the "I-cons" as they are
called in this film are put in to some life or
death game situation where they must fight
their way out and the winner gets their freedom
but in this film the "players" are controlled
by an outside force in almost like a Xbox Kinect
type of set up.

I also found that the camera work and the
editing were a bit off it was alot of fast
cuts, zooms, pans and crazy popping visuals.
Alot of the movies action tries to be
stylized but I found it failed and just
ends up giving you whiplash.

Now some of the other action that wasn't all crazy
was pretty good and there was some actiony humor as well
one of the scenes that I found funny was the
interrogation one about the Sandwiches.

this movie also had I thought alot of famous faces
and of course it did have some nudity as well.
but as always if you watch this just for that then
your going to be let down.

Also some other things that were not good was I felt
the thing about the huge naked fat guy controlling the
sex woman in the "society" game was a bit cliche...

Also the dance sequence around the end of the movie was
a bit odd.. also How does puking in the gas tank of a
truck make it go?
anyway the movie was an ok action film but
in a way it seems like you see it all before when
it comes to things like the story.

Milf (2010)

Oh those wacky bastards over at The Asylum are at it again.
Now I have said that alot of the time their comedy & Thriller
movies are usually alot better then their Sci-Fi/Action films
but I don't really think this one is truly that case.

They basically took the "Stifler's Mom" idea from
American Pie and made it in to and entire movie. Here is the
plot according to IMBd:
"A group of nerdy college guys who can't seem to
connect with girls their own age discover the
excitement of hooking up with sexy older women."
that's it simple as that.

Now it did have a few humorous scenes, such as the whole how
shall we say the whole "Jerk off/cum shot" scene was some what funny, the wacky dream
sequences and the whole underwater fight scene! was...different.

Also some of the acting was off and seemed a bit weird at times the character of
Anthony was somewhat funny but for some reason came off as gay in a way
I don't know why but that is how I seen it, also the guy with the English/British
accident (I forget which he was) also was somewhat funny.

There is also another character that comes off as a second rate "Stifler " which
was pretty stupid I can see that conversation for motivation:
Actor: Who is my character what is his motivation?
Director: Did you ever see American Pie?
Actor: yes
Director: you're basically our version of Steve Stifler
Actor: Oh ok, I gotcha!
This movie even though it has some funny scenes, it is far from being funny
I found alot of the movie just a bit eyebrow raising weird and other parts
just simply awkward.. One of the pest things about this movie was the
nudity! but I wouldn't recomend watching this just for that.

Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers! 1988

Now by that title it just screams Watch me! doesn't it?
I actually ended up watching this becasue some people I know were
talking about it being released on DVD so as you can see from some
of the previous posts I do like to watch some of the
more "different" movies

According to IMBd the main plot of this film is as follows:

"Jack Chandler is a private eye tracking down Samantha the runaway. In his travels, he comes across a gang of chainsaw wielding prostitutes that like to carve people up for their cult."

Now first off a cult of chainsaw wielding prostitutes is funny in itself!

Now this film was filed with plenty of camp and loads of laughs
I don't know if they tried to be cheesy and campy becasue at times
it did seem that they were trying to be serious at times but I think
that just made it more funny.

but like I said this movie was pretty funny from the title to
a Disclaimer that reads:
"The CHAINSAWS used in this Motion Picture are REAL and DANGEROUS! They are handled here by seasoned PROFESSIONALS. The makers of this Motion Picture advise strongly against anyone attempting to perform these stunts at home. Especially if you are naked and about to engage in strenuous SEX. My conscience is clear, (signed) Fred Olen Ray."

The writing in this was funny especially alot of the Narration
there is rubber body parts flying about with buckets of fake blood.

There is scenes in a bar/strip club and one of the things I noticed
that was kind of funny is there's a kid sitting at the bar?
which is something out of play and that is something that this movie
like to do is have thing out of place.

Now being that there is Hookers in this and like mention before
there is a strip club type of bar and I would have to say there
was some nice nudity in this and some plenty of nice look
tits especially on the character of Mercedes (Michelle Bauer)

But all in all this movie would I say ahem..."Climaxes"
with what is called the "Virgin Chainsaw dance"
which is then followed by a actual Chainsaw Duel!

but like I said this move isn't anything serious if you want
to watch something that is completely off the wall then watch this.

End Credits:
Coming Soon! Student Chainsaw Nurses! "Bad to the Bone!!"

Bald (2008)

This was one of those direct to video movies that you see at the video store your basic plot is as follows:

Its basically one of those ones that looks like a bunch of film students gathered together and made this . Now there was some good to this movies there was alot of nice nudity right from the start and that is basically all that this movie has going for it is the nudity. I would have to say the character of " Shirtless Cynthia " was my favorite but other then that the rest of this move was pretty much crap.

Most of all the characters come off as stereotypical there is is guy who is all just smoking huge joints and there is alot of just plain random shit going on that is not even funny

Now some of the internal monologs by the main character were a bit humorous at times but pretty much the movie wasn't . Some of the outtakes at the end of the movie were funnier then the entire movie itself .

There is a scene where they have a infomercial and that was just weird.
One of the people playing a parent in the movie looks like Pro wrestler DDP (Dimond Dallas Page for you not in the know) and one of the funny thing of this is when the Main character and his friends gather in the " war room" for a scene where they plan on taking on the parents you can notice the blue screen effect for the aquarium becasue it glitches and moves oddly and the shark keeps resetting itself which is rather funny.
also the paint ball scene was very stupid.
Like I said this while movie was not very good for a comedy it wasn't very funny and if you were to watch it for the nudity alone that would be a waist of time.

H.O.T.S (1979)

A wacky college exploitation film about a sorority gone wild!
When one of the main characters is not excepted to a sorority run by
the snobby rich girls. She and her over sexed friends decide to start their own
and shortly after the hilarity ensues!
Now I didn't think it was all that funny it might have been in the 70s with its
slight racial stereotypes and predictability. It did have a very interesting
opening opening titles .
Now this movie did have some nice "cinematography" with all with all the tits
and asses shaking and running around and the movies ahem...climax ends with a
big rousing game of Strip football!!
Now like I said there were some predictable moments as well as some stereotypical
things like having one fat girl in the sorority surrounded by all the playboy bunnies
and of course having her fall in love with the only nerdy looking guy on campus
who of course is a member of the neighboring frat.
Now there was very little non sexual action like a car chase and a bar fight.
But of course there is all kinds of wacky antics and even a bear! who seems to
switch from a real bear to a guy in a suit and back to a real bear again!
While watching this the character of Ritchie stood out and I kept
thinking "I know him!" and it turns out that it was none other then
Danny Bonaduce. But in the end if you to see some tits and maybe get some
laughs this is for you.
Basically I think I would describe this as the female version of "Animal House"
or a similar type of movie where the women are doing all the stuff like "jockstrap raids"
instead of panty ones.

#1 Cheerleader Camp

This is another film from there ever groan worthy Asylum Pictures who seem to specialized in making poorly done low-rent versions other movie. Some that I have seen from them have looked like a project a couple of film students did for their classes. Rest assure if it has the Asylum Pictures name on it it should be a good laugh.
Now when they are not ripping off something like Terminator or Transformers and try to do something more in the way of this you actually get a rather nicely done film. Now I know this is most likely a rip off of the movie
"Fired Up!" which was good also and was quite funny.
Now this movie itself I would have to say had one of the best opening credits sequences I've ever seen.
and was filled with plenty of nice um..cinematography and plenty of beautiful scenes that were... well built! *lol* But over all it wasn't bad the the plot was kind of standard, but a bit predictable at times. It also had some nice gags/jokes in there that gave me a chuckle and the acting wasn't bad but the main focus was on the cinematography..the bouncing, jiggling cinematography lol.
but in the end this wasn't bad and was rather enjoyable, I think this was only the second Asylum Pictures that didn't make groan or roll my eyes while watching it so that is a good thing