Milf (2010)

Oh those wacky bastards over at The Asylum are at it again.
Now I have said that alot of the time their comedy & Thriller
movies are usually alot better then their Sci-Fi/Action films
but I don't really think this one is truly that case.

They basically took the "Stifler's Mom" idea from
American Pie and made it in to and entire movie. Here is the
plot according to IMBd:
"A group of nerdy college guys who can't seem to
connect with girls their own age discover the
excitement of hooking up with sexy older women."
that's it simple as that.

Now it did have a few humorous scenes, such as the whole how
shall we say the whole "Jerk off/cum shot" scene was some what funny, the wacky dream
sequences and the whole underwater fight scene! was...different.

Also some of the acting was off and seemed a bit weird at times the character of
Anthony was somewhat funny but for some reason came off as gay in a way
I don't know why but that is how I seen it, also the guy with the English/British
accident (I forget which he was) also was somewhat funny.

There is also another character that comes off as a second rate "Stifler " which
was pretty stupid I can see that conversation for motivation:
Actor: Who is my character what is his motivation?
Director: Did you ever see American Pie?
Actor: yes
Director: you're basically our version of Steve Stifler
Actor: Oh ok, I gotcha!
This movie even though it has some funny scenes, it is far from being funny
I found alot of the movie just a bit eyebrow raising weird and other parts
just simply awkward.. One of the pest things about this movie was the
nudity! but I wouldn't recomend watching this just for that.

Bald (2008)

This was one of those direct to video movies that you see at the video store your basic plot is as follows:

Its basically one of those ones that looks like a bunch of film students gathered together and made this . Now there was some good to this movies there was alot of nice nudity right from the start and that is basically all that this movie has going for it is the nudity. I would have to say the character of " Shirtless Cynthia " was my favorite but other then that the rest of this move was pretty much crap.

Most of all the characters come off as stereotypical there is is guy who is all just smoking huge joints and there is alot of just plain random shit going on that is not even funny

Now some of the internal monologs by the main character were a bit humorous at times but pretty much the movie wasn't . Some of the outtakes at the end of the movie were funnier then the entire movie itself .

There is a scene where they have a infomercial and that was just weird.
One of the people playing a parent in the movie looks like Pro wrestler DDP (Dimond Dallas Page for you not in the know) and one of the funny thing of this is when the Main character and his friends gather in the " war room" for a scene where they plan on taking on the parents you can notice the blue screen effect for the aquarium becasue it glitches and moves oddly and the shark keeps resetting itself which is rather funny.
also the paint ball scene was very stupid.
Like I said this while movie was not very good for a comedy it wasn't very funny and if you were to watch it for the nudity alone that would be a waist of time.

MacGruber

MACGRUBER!!! *que explosions that sound like a panther or other large cat roaring*

Now I have heard alot of negative things about this film but
like always I would rather experience
it for myself before I form an opinion, I know I'm crazy like that.
anyway... This is a SNL (Saturday Night Live) movie that is a
parody of I would say the 80s action-adventure films and TV as you can
tell in the main character is a parody of
the character Macgyver (which was played by Richard Dean Anderson)
which I myself did watch as a kid.
Now I would have to say that this film had a good start to it and the opening
titles and theme where pretty funny but I would have to say that is where it
pretty much stopped, becasue there wasn't many or even hardly any laughs
after that, the movie itself was somewhat stupid and I kept wondering if the
MacGruber character was retarded in a servery mentally challenged type of
way and was actually wondering about the competency of the people
who were entrusting him with the fate of the world.
I personally would rather Austin Powers on my side then MacGruber.
Also a in 80s action movie fashion the "hero" get some love from
his love interest which I didn't need to see in this case being the scene
MacGruber looked like he was a chimp being electrocuted in some way
and to make things worse after that awkward scene the has another
with the apparent ghost of this dead wife! which was twice as worse
also the running jokes of the celery stock up the butt and MacGruber
being a little to eager to suck everyone's dick weren't funny at all.
I have to feel sorry for Val Kilmer who played the villian in this
he was great as the villain too bad the hero came off as someone with the
IQ of a sponge.
One of the funny parts in the film as the cameos of WWE superstars
(Chris Jericho, Mark Henry MVP, The Great Khali, Kane and The Big Show)
who were MacGruber's unit before retiring and now live civilian lives
MacGruber seeks them out to help him with the mission, but after getting them
back together and being an idiot he blows them up.
that was funny but I didn't much care for the scene of The Big Show kissing
another guy. All in all this film is rather stupid, its not really funny at all
its more I'd say uncomfortably awkward then funny or even good.

Suburban Secrets (2004)

One of the reasons I decided to watch this was that redheaded girl
on the cover was hot!
Now i know picking movies based on the hotness of the girl on the
cover is not the best way in doing things but in this case I wasn't going
to pass up a hot redhead girl.
Now I have to say I have watched plenty of Erotic Thrillers in the
past but this alone just just erotic and no thriller. Its like something you
would see on late night cable on second thought I don't think it is even good
enough for late night cable.
at a surprising 2 and a half run time there is about I'd say 45mins of actual story the
rest is just all Softcore sex!
That's right this has nudity and lots of it! with plenty of bumping and grinding to boot.
Basically Laura a world famous nude model (the redhead) find out from
her sister that her cougar aunt Cynthia and the one who is running the
local news paper is having wild sex with her an ex boyfriend by the name
of Nelson (who is also banging his sister?) so Laura apparently hops on the
bus (yes the bus, you would think a a world famous model wouldn't be riding
the bus and would have a car and driver or at least a car) and heads home to
see about this mess and then the sexing begins!
personally the opening titles and the music wasn't bad when there was music
and the woman were attractive it was kind of hard to believe that aunt Cynthia
was older then redhead Laura but then again you never know.
Like I said there wasn't much in the way of the story but there was this
odd incest subplot were the character of Nelson is fantasying about his
sister after she constantly flirts with him then he ends up having sex with
her and also Laura has wild lesbian sex with her aunt Cynthia after her aunt
reviles that she had a sexual relationship with Laura's mom for over 20 years!
Now your first response should not be to also have sex with her..
also there is a scene were after Nelson and Laura are reunited and have sex,
Nelson's sister is pissed off at Laura so what does she do as a revenge? why have
sex with her of course!
This movie is truly twisted and very awful the acting is horrible the worst
of the bunch had to be Chelsea Mundae who played Laura's sister Winnifred.
she was so bland you could have put one of those cardboard cut-outs in her place
with someone saying her lines off stage with a megaphone and that would have
been a better performance. Also in this people are obsessed with nipples there are
all kinds of conversations in this about nipples. Now I like nipples also and nipple
placement is important but but do you need like 5 fully fleshed out conversations
about nipples?
anyway this is kind of horrible camera work isn't that good, writing isn't that
much better (how can we fit more nipples in?) and acting isn't that good (some are
better then others) but I would say pass on this unless you are hurting bad for some
nudity and softcore situations.

Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman

Jack's Back!

but that brings into question did he really need to come back??
my answer is a resounding NO...

The movie in the beginning shows that everyone thinks the sheriff is crazy
being that he is talking about killer mutant snowmen, what a loon, right?
so for the following Christmas him his wife and a couple of friends
decide to hear down to the Bahamas to get way from all the crazy Snowman talk.
So meanwhile people with no common sense dig up jack and revive him
width what I don't know? I was wondering what was poured into the mixture
they don't tell you but it can't be something "scientific" being the doctor guy
was drinking it before dumping it in.
So jack is back and heads to the Bahamas to finish off the sheriff.
while at the resort we find out Agent Manners apparent is crazy now and head of Island security and he as well as the character know as "Captain Fun" become 2 of the most annoying characters in this whole movie and I am gleefully happy when they are actually killed off, but anyway there are more outlandish kills (giant snow anvil?) and plenty of stupid scenes (the thing with the ice cubes) Also I'm thinking wouldn't it be to warm for a snowman to be running around some tropical island in the Bahamas? apparently not... and not only is he running around (which he is awfully fast for a snowman) he actually freezes the entire island and makes it snow.. which I am all "ok, sure.." but even that is not the worst some of the main characters show just how smart they truly are when the character of Marla remarks "Oh, come on, Sam, we don't even know if it's Jack Frost." I mean come on how many walking talking killer snowmen do you actually know?
the characters in this are just retarded, but that is not the worst part being that you have to have the character "evolve" Jack starts to lay these snowball looking eggs that actually hatch into vicious little snowball creatures that could fly! or so what I could see anyway and they can only be killed by using bananas. (they explain why only bananas but im not going to get into that)
this movie is pretty much horrible I knew that going in but still watched it I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.